you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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