i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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