all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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