they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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