I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize