youre lurking in front of me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
