The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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