I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize