my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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