Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
