my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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