if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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