No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
