can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
