I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
