Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
