Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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