So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
