This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
