There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
