I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
