At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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