he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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