my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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