First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
