I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
