if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
