You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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