names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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