Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
