You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
