well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
