what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
