i don't like sucking hair
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
