i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
that's an acceptable place to lick
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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