I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
