you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
