i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
