Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
