isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
