I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
