i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
