I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
