I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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