this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
