I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
