it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
In America we eat man semen.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
