weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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