what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
