You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
