If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize