Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
