I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
