Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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