She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
