I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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