I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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