Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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