I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
