Soap is not a condiment
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize