My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
