North Korea, Best Korea!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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