I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
