yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
