The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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