All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
