Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
