porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
