He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize