his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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