I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
