I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize