i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize