How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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