before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
