At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize