Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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