All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
