I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
