you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
