I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
