I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
