So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
