try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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