Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
