I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
