On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
