Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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