i already hear my dad disowning me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
