we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
