but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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