there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
