So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
