Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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